People can be really annoying. That's obvious. Everyone knows someone who just gets under their skin. You can't control it. That person just makes you lose your composure. Why is that? That's a question for you and your therapist. What pIsses me off is that I let the person get to me. I hate when people waste time, and I get just as mad ay myself than at other people when my time is wasted. I waste time entertaining this person's attempt to get to me. I waste time fighting back and getting mad, then I get mad at myself for all the time wasted. Sure, I should probably give myself some slack, but it's always the same person or same kind of person. Annoying. I know that staying mad at the person gives them a hold on me. The greater the grudge I have against them, the more power they gain. Yeah, I've even told other people that speech. It doesn't make things any easier though. If anything, it makes me more mad to realize after all this wasted time, this person gets power too. It's like a combo. I realized something new though. a small confession, really. I never feel bad about losing my cool. Either the person deserved it at the moment, or it was pent up aggression about.them from the past. Win win situation. Still....there's that small part of me after everything's over, that sweet, loving, kind part of me that asks, "Did you really say that to him/her? How could you?"
...and I wanna do it again, but better. I wanna re-phrase my words, but returning to re-open the wounds that I created shows weakness and I can't afford to show that. So I keep on and don't turn back...there are beautiful people and things ahead.
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