On Your Marks...

Some people use school as a clutch to avoid the real world. The fear of joining the working class can be overwhelming enough to pay the price and time for another course (or degree). I’m not like that. Well, maybe a little bit. I want to be as prepared as I can before I start my career. I want to utilize all the programs related to my field of choice during my post-secondary years.

So many people have had to go back to school after the real world has slapped them into the reality that they’re not equipped yet. I don’t want to be that person. I’ve specifically chosen a path of a degree of a diploma to balance out the theoretical and practical skills I’ll need for my journalism career. I’m not confused or unsure. I trust I’m doing the right thing even though people have doubted and judged my choices along the way.

When someone asks me, “Aren’t you done school yet?”, what I really hear is, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” So I say “Nope”, when I really mean “Absolutely” to the question I really heard. Don’t you think I want to get out? I do. I’m ready to start living, exploring, and creating.

Sometimes I realize I’d be done by now if I didn’t start going to college. I’d be done a year ago if I didn’t decide to do my Honours for my Bachelor’s degree. Everything happens for a reason. It’s a nerdy thing to say, but I actually love learning. In college, I get to unleash all the creativity I never got to show my university professors through my essays. I’m taking my last communication studies course this summer and I’m actually enjoying the readings. Well, most of them. The percentage would be higher if I actually read them all. That’s beside the point.

I love communications because I can use something from every course in my everyday life or future career. Do I sound ambitious? Prepared? Determined? So while I’m finishing up my last year at school, I’m giving the world a heads up to get ready for my entrance onto the scene.

…Which scene? I haven’t really narrowed it down yet, but don’t you worry, I’m coming! 

Stick to Your Guns

People can be really annoying. That's obvious. Everyone knows someone who just gets under their skin. You can't control it. That person just makes you lose your composure. Why is that? That's a question for you and your therapist. What pIsses me off is that I let the person get to me. I hate when people waste time, and I get just as mad ay myself than at other people when my time is wasted. I waste time entertaining this person's attempt to get to me. I waste time fighting back and getting mad, then I get mad at myself for all the time wasted. Sure, I should probably give myself some slack, but it's always the same person or same kind of person. Annoying. I know that staying mad at the person gives them a hold on me. The greater the grudge I have against them, the more power they gain. Yeah, I've even told other people that speech. It doesn't make things any easier though. If anything, it makes me more mad to realize after all this wasted time, this person gets power too. It's like a combo. I realized something new though. a small confession, really. I never feel bad about losing my cool. Either the person deserved it at the moment, or it was pent up aggression about.them from the past. Win win situation. Still....there's that small part of me after everything's over, that sweet, loving, kind part of me that asks, "Did you really say that to him/her? How could you?" 

...and I wanna do it again, but better. I wanna re-phrase my words, but returning to re-open the wounds that I created shows weakness and I can't afford to show that. So I keep on and don't turn back...there are beautiful people and things ahead.

Club Rules

I went to a club the other day by myself. Yup, I'm a big girl now. It was for a friend's birthday and none of my other friends could go. So I sucked it up and still went to the club. I had a lot of time to myself since my friend was hanging out with his other closer friends most of the night.

I had a nice little spot to lean on a railing overlooking the dance floor. I saw so many unacceptable things that I had to blog about it.

This is the look I was giving you all...

One: Don't dance off beat.

I saw a girl dancing with her friends and she was going hardcore. She was dancing up a storm so hard. That's fine. Enthusiasm is appreciated a club. However, she was dancing off beat. Every time she would point her finger in the air, laying down those lyrics, it was off beat. Yeah, don't do that. Focus, man.

Two: Don't be sleezy.

I saw a girl dancing with her other female friend. Girlfriends dance with each other. I used to prefer dancing with a guy, but I've accepted being with my friends, for pure safety purposes. This girl went too far. She bit her lip, bit her finger, shook her hand in the indication that something was hot, and pointed to her friend saying "Man, you're hot". Is that necessary? This title was supposed to be "Don't be a man", but I don't think even guys look at girls anymore and do that "Aye aye, caliente" thing. Grow up, or go make out with your friend in the bathroom.

Three: Dress appropriately.

Girls are getting way smarter when it comes to dressing for a club. Those who are purely there as eye candy can be seen in tight, short clothing with cleavage. Those who actually plan on dancing during the night think more sensibly. Shorts are now okay with a cute top. I saw a girl up on stage dancing with other girls. She was dancing, holding on to the wall, with her face turned the opposite way towards the dance floor. Her booty shaking caused her tight dress to lift up inch by inch every time. She even went lower, which didn't help and let the whole world see her underwear. Kinda preventable. We all know she liked it though.


These are my observations for ONE night at a club. Come on, girls, let's step it up a little.

Life Involves Loved Ones

It’s crazy how people can become so self-absorbed. I’m not even blaming other people. I am guilty of being selfish and so ignorant to the world that I can’t help but beat myself up once I finally leave my bubble.

I recently decided to enter a slum for a few days. It was supposed to be a week, but I checked out early. I thought what I was doing was okay. I convinced myself it was perfectly normal to stop helping and caring for so many people and to just acknowledge that I was in an unhappy state.

 It takes a lot of energy to pretend you’re happy. It’s pretty draining to smile and lie to people and say that you’re okay, or assure them that you’re just tired. I’m actually one of those people who don’t let things get to me, but when my mind finally wants to deal with it, I’ll be on the bus or in the middle of a Sunday morning service and just start crying.

Yeah, I could just deal with things when they happen, but I’m so stubborn. I feel selfish for sitting down to deal with my own problems while I could be helping other people. So this week, I changed my mind. This week I felt such an overwhelming pressure of negativity that I let it take a hold of me for a bit. I honestly don’t feel bad about it all. I needed it. I needed to stop being busy, stop ignoring and pushing all the sad feelings to the back of my mind and to just let it take me.

So I sat there, I lay there, day after day, feeling so “meh”. Slowly, things started to crack my shell. What’s that? I totally forgot my godmother had surgery to remove her tumour. She’s going in for radiation now? Hold on, what do you mean my friend randomly deactivated his Facebook and Twitter account? Where is he? Wait, what? My friend hasn’t been showing up to work for weeks and people are worried? Where have I been? What have I been doing? “Meh”.

Time to shove everything back under the rug and check back into reality. I'll figure myself out later.

Shhh!

The worship team at our church had a meeting about silent worship. How do we create a balance of entering into worship ourselves and helping others enter into it as well? When do we start? How do we know when to end? What if I'm not done soaking in the Holy Spirit, but everyone else is getting antsy for the next song? Is worship specifically about instruments and lyrics?

How do we be silent in worship? How do we open up ourselves to listen to what God has to say? I play the piano and sometimes a lot of the songs we play just need simple chords. Just one chord per bar. I thought that was for beginners. Pfft, I can play melodies and little scales. No, no, just one chord per bar. Do you know how hard that is? It's like telling a kid to stay still in a candy store. This is my silence time, but it has taken me awhile to take advantage of it.

My life outside outside of church is just the same. I'm always on the go, always busy. There is no down time with me. Except now...sort of. Most times, rest comes my way when I get sick. The question is, if my life is so busy and full of activities, what makes me so sure I'll hear God when He's calling? Life does not have call waiting. Your landline has to be completely free for Him to call in. Isn't that worth it when you think of it that way? God is way better than that cute boy you waited to call you to go out with him.

Whether or not you want to hear what He has to say is a different blog post altogether.

To calm your busy spirit/soul, spend 15 minutes a day in silence. It will obviously slow you down and keep you more balanced, but also make it easier for God to access your heart. Of course saying this is like a zillion times easier than doing it.

It's our (worship team) job to help people. We musically prophesy. We open up and warm people's hearts for the Holy Spirit to come and mold. No pressure haha.

The Sun'll Come Out...Tomorrow

We have to be living for something
I get out of bed for a reason
I need to know there's more to come
I don't wanna stop believing



Believing that I'll get what's mine
What I've been working for
This all just has to pay off
But I'll probably just want more





What's wrong with that, anyway
It's okay for me to dream high
But it takes so long to reach the top
I start to wonder why




Why can't I get it now
Is it even worth the climb
Should I look for something else
Or do I keep waiting in this line

Meh, I know the day will come
Where it will be worth it all
All this work will give me strength
To break down through this wall





I'll get to where I wanna be
And I'll stand proud and tall
The very first thing that I'll do
Is thank God for not letting me fall

KONY 2012: Hate It or Love it?

So Jason Russell wants to expose (Joseph) Kony and the Lord's resistance Army for what it really is. There's no problem with that. Citizens in North America deserve to know what's going on in Africa. I would like to be informed of children being forced to become soldiers. I do care that young girls are being forced in prostitution.

I could have read an article about this or heard it on the radio. Facebook told me instead. Facebook invited me to KONY 2012; the same Facebook that wants me to play Bejeweled online and poke Andrew back. The invite just told me to support KONY. Another invite told me to spread the word about how bad Kony is. So I'm thinking, who's Kony and how can he be both bad and good? Ugh, so Facebook made me work and Google this KONY phenomenon. Alright, so he's a bad guy doing bad things.

I think it was a good idea to make a video. However, videos make money. According to YouTube, over 78 million people are more informed about KONY, but Russell and his company, Invisible Children, also just got paid millions of dollars. So that money will go to help the children in Africa, right? But yet Russell has already been shamed of only giving about 30% of the money raised directly to Africa.

Back to awareness. Who is profiting? Sure, we're completely exposing KONY. Only time will tell what that will do. Russell will get a little time in the spotlight too. Celebrities are retweeting and mentioning his cause. With that kind of recognition and getting donations and only giving about 30% percent to Africa, no wonder that video looks so good.

I'm not sure what to think of this yet. I'm all for knowing about what's going on in the rest of the world, but to who's gain? We're gaining more knowledge so that's good, but I wonder if this is all going to be worth it. is Kony actually going to be arrested and tried? It'd be nice if this many followers would guarantee a trial, but it'd be a huge piss off to display this guy's name everywhere while he remains untouched. There must be many facts out there for people to attack Russell.

Maybe the human race is at its peak of cynicism. Maybe we can't take anything for granted anymore. I guess that's a good thing or I'd be out of a future job.